Introducing...well, Reintroducing! Passion. Vision. Faith: Was I just humbled?
So as some of you may know (or may not know), I recently started a blog series titled, "Passion. Vision. Faith." this past July and well, let's just say that I allowed life to distract me from this opportunity to shine some light on others as well as myself. Here's a brief synopsis of what has transpired within the past few months: Adjusting to the new married life, innumerable changes at my job, no A/C since May (and didn't get it until the end of August/beginning of September), spiritual growth challenges, my wife despising her job (literally had her in tears sometimes), and my own internal issues I was dealing with. This probably can't compare to many people's stories, but this is my own and it started to take a toll on me spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Since then, things have become much better for us and life is starting to slow down and become clearer. One of the biggest things I've learned over this great and spiritually tiring past Summer is how much faith and trust I truly had (or lacked) in God to work out every situation He allowed me to go through. For much of the summer, I was trying to handle things on my own and asked God to empower my own efforts. That may sound okay on the surface, but really it's backwards. You know when things are tough, but you try to portray yourself as some super-human that's invincible against the forces that are coming against him/her; that was me. Barely holding it together like a small-sized suit jacket button on a man that should be wearing an extra-large. Just when I thought that button could continue holding on, it gave in and the jacket flew wide-open! Everything was hanging out!...I didn't have anything left in the tank. My faith was gone, I started to doubt who God was, and I was vulnerable to the hail-storm of flaming arrows fired at me. I felt I had been defeated. As much as I wanted to believe that Jesus already won the victory for me, it wasn't enough. I was on the brink of giving in completely which would have thrown my life, as well as my wife's life, into a huge whirlpool of confusion. Where do I go from here?
Finally after I was done teetering on the line of pride and humility, I decided to open up and tell my wife what was going on before I decided to lose all hope. I explained to her what I had been feeling and dealing with internally. She didn't respond for at least a minute to a minute and a half(I can't remember what she said, but it encouraged me). However, the best part wasn't her response. It was the silence that preceded it. During that silence, I had time to ponder on everything I had just released to her and that was the moment when I realized what God had been doing in me. One of my prayers is and has always been for Him to cleanse me all of pride, self-sufficiency, and selfishness that could hinder His will from being executed in my life. When I humbled myself and described how I was truly feeling, that was the moment He released all pride, self-reliance, and selfishness from my heart. I'm by no means perfect, but the simple realization and acceptance of who has dominion over all circumstances and situations is what I needed. It was a reminder of Him who is God over all the earth and heavens; whose will shall be done on earth as it is in heaven and ultimately whose will is done in my life.
I had it all planned out on how I could fix these seemingly broken things in my life. Yet the more I tried to fix them, the more broken I became. Instead of allowing Him to do it, I wanted to fix everything. I wanted to be the hero. What I needed was to come the end of myself and let go of the hero mentality. Although God can accomplish anything, He can only do but so much when we are reliant on ourselves. So when it comes to your passions, visions, and faith, what are they rooted in? Are you willing to submit all you have in order for Him to do great things in your life?
What is your passion? Is it to glorify God in whatever it is you want to do?
Do you have a vision? Is it clear to you what God wants to do in your life?
Where does your faith lie? Is it in yourself or Him?
No matter what passion, vision, and faith you may have, nothing can be accomplished without coming to the end of you and allowing the life of Jesus to manifest inside of you to complete what He started. You will have to go through a cleansing process and it won't be easy. You will have to submit all of yourself to Him. You will have to let go of all that you ever desired and wished for, if it isn't from Him. But the journey is worth every bit of your new found humility.
Kyle Idleman, one of my favorite writers, said something I loved in one of his books, " ...self-humbling, an opportunity to exalt Christ and put pride on the cross. You can boldly - or humbly- go where no one has gone before," (The End of Me: Where Real Life in the Upside-down Ways of Jesus Begins)
God had brought me to a place of submission and humility I had never experienced before. He changed my perception of humility and redefined what my life meant as a follower of Christ. Humility is one of the key traits we all need in order for God to move in a mighty way through the passions, visions, and faith He's given us. But are you willing to allow yourself to be humbled?
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Thanks for reading! Love you guys!
And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” - 2 Corinthians 12:9